PATH: BS | Delicious Irony

Monster Exec Now Looking for a J-O-B

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In a tasty bit of irony Andrew J. McKelvey, the Chief Executive and Chairman of Monster Worldwide, Inc., the parent company of the largest job search site in the world, has stepped down amid a probe of the company's past stock options practices. The probe concerns the practice of back-dating the stock options given to executives so that they have the greatest value. Although tremendously lucrative, it is also illegal. This is a problem that has bedeviled many companies and their executives, including United Health Group, CNET Networks, and McAfee. I'm guessing McKelvey will probably be using CareerBuilder.com to look for his next post.

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Iraq Is Safe (As Long As You're Wearing Kevlar)

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[Terroir-ism]
The White House reports, "Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice traveled to Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Israel, the Palestinian Territories, and Iraq, October 1-6, 2006. At the President’s request, Secretary Rice is leading a diplomatic effort to engage moderate leaders across the region."

As you can see, we won the war in Iraq and everything's going great. This obviously explains why, from the moment she steps foot off the airplane in Iraq in a US-controlled air base, she has to wear a bullet-proof vest.

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Fahrenheit 451 Banned during Banned Books Week

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Really, there's no better way to celebrate Banned Books Week than by banning a book about banning and burning books. Say that three times fast.

Yes, a caring parent in Texas (how surprising) found out from his darling little girl that her class's reading assignment, Ray Bradbury classic Fahrenheit 451, actually contained "bad language" and "smoking," plus a whole host of other bad influences on young people who've been raised in hermetically sealed Skinner boxes and have therefore never been exposed to such things before.

Well, naturally he was upset that these things were in a book assigned to second-graders. Oh, wait, you say the offended girl was a high school sophomore, just like I was when we read the same book in a city of 75,000 in the free-thinking state of Louisiana decades ago?

READ MORE | 24 comments since 2012-06-15 10:40:29 | Comment on this Article

Why Don't You Go Foley Yourself?

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[Beating Dead Horses]
Judging by the latest e-mail transcripts that ABC News has gotten its hands on, Congressman Mark Foley had a particular interest in getting those underage male pages to perform a specific act. In a fitting homage, we at BSAlert respectfully suggest that in the future, this act be known as the reflexive verb "foley." (Sample usage: "I was a bit self-conscious, until my friend suggested that I foley myself.")

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Justice Served: Christians Riot In The Streets

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Six years ago, 3 Christian Indonesian militants orchestrated a series of attacks on Muslims that resulted in between 70 and 200 deaths. This violence was part of a larger wave that spanned several years and took the lives of more than 1000.

The three men - Fabianus Tibo, Marianus Riwu and Dominggus da Silva were tried, convicted and sentenced to death. After a few years of appeals and even an intervention from the Pope, the three men were put in front of the firing squad a few days ago.

As a result, thousands of Christians began rioting Friday in Sulawesi Indonesia to mark this horrible injustice. Mobs torched cars, looted Muslim-owned stores and freed hundreds of inmates by breaking the jail’s main gate. In addition, machete-wielding mobs ran through the streets of Flores sending women and children running.

Christians love to sarcastically claim Islam is the "Religion of Peace". In the spirit of that, let me say, "Praise Jesus! Religion of Peace!"

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2006-09-27 08:35:22 | Comment on this Article

"Dog" Bounty Hunter Arrested After Jumping Bail

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[Television]
TV reality star Duane ''Dog'' Chapman and two co-stars on his show were arrested Thursday in Hawaii on charges of illegal detention and conspiracy in the bounty hunters' capture three years ago of a cosmetics company heir.

Chapman's son Leland, 29, and Timothy Chapman, 41, assist Chapman in exploits chronicled for the TV show around the Hawaiian Islands. The show focuses on Chapman's family as much as the bounty hunting, which generally involves tracking down bail jumpers, often creating emotional scenes with repentant captives.

Charges have been pending against the three since local police in Mexico arrested them shortly after they roped in Luster. They posted bail but allegedly never returned to Puerto Vallarta for their court hearing on July 15, 2003..

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Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Dies In His Sleep At 44

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[Beating Dead Horses]
Following a traditional night of sitting beside his fireplace reading fiction with a lukewarm cup of cocoa, Steve Irwin retired to bed, drifted into a peaceful slumber, and never awoke. Authorities discovered the "freak accident" death of TV's famous "Crocodile Hunter" the following day.

The community is now mourning this unforseen circumstance. Many thought that Irwin's history of provoking, coralling and manhandling dangerous creatures might lead to his ultimate demise. This unanticipated "freak accident" has proven otherwise.

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2006-09-08 00:13:12 | Comment on this Article

Katrina Conference Organizers Duped By Fake Government Official

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A man claiming to be a high-ranking federal housing official addressed a conference Monday on public housing in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, claiming the government was reversing its policy.

Following speeches by Gov. Kathleen Blanco and Mayor Ray Nagin, a man who said he was the "deputy assistant secretary" of the Department of Housing and Urban Development announced a total reversal in the government's policy on public housing in New Orleans, claiming HUD would halt plans to demolish thousands of public housing units.

Turns out this was the work of an activist/theatrical group called The Yes Men. Their web site states, "We have impersonated some of the world's most powerful criminals at conferences, on the web, and on television, in order to correct their identities."

What's even more brilliant about this farce is that the company producing the event, Equity International claims to be "The center for homeland security" that specializes in "Winning the global war against terrorism." And they didn't have the aptitude to check to find out if one of their primary speakers, on stage with both the mayor and governor, wasn't a total imposter.

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Cheney Bets On Bad U.S. Economy

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[Get-Rich-Quick]
According to Kiplinger's, the Cheneys, who may be worth close to $100 million, have invested the vast majority of their wealth overseas, in markets that do not fluctuate based on the U.S. dollar:

Vice President Cheney's financial advisers are apparently betting on a rise in inflation and interest rates and on a decline in the value of the dollar against foreign currencies. That's the conclusion we draw after scouring the financial disclosure form released by Cheney this week.

Makes you feel all nice and cozy knowing the Vice President has so little faith in the economy he's controlling...

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Guard Dog Tears His Charges to Shreds

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The collection of artifacts was so valuable, so precious, that the insurance company insisted that the premises be patrolled by a trained guard dog at night to prevent theft. Little did they expect the terrible carnage that was to follow....

Barney, a doberman pinscher with six years of blameless service, flew into an unexplained fit of rage and attacked the very objects he had been hired to protect: a collection of rare teddy bears, most on loan from private collectors, on display at a tourist attraction called Wookey Hall Caves in Somerset, England.

READ MORE | 2 comments since 2006-08-03 21:42:46 | Comment on this Article

Oil Company Preaches Morality

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Royal Dutch Shell, the world's top marketer of biofuels, considers using food crops to make biofuels "morally inappropriate" as long as there are people in the world who are starving.

Of course, the problem with starvation isn't the shortage of food, but how it is distributed.

READ MORE | 3 comments since 2006-07-17 17:39:52 | Comment on this Article

R.J. Reynolds' Non-Smoker Protection Act

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You figure a proposed law called The Arizona Non-Smoker Protection Act would have something to do with curtailing smoking right? Especially if this bill was promoted by a group called the Non-Smoker Protection Committee.

Then again, when R.J. Reynolds is behind the whole scheme, giving loads of money to shill businessmen to promote this "Non-Smoker Protection Act" it just might turn out to be some legislation designed to reinstate smoking all over the place and limit municipalities from putting restrictions on smoking.

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Government Computer Security Expert Goes To Jail For Hacking

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Kenneth Kwak, 34, of Chantilly, Va., was recently sentenced by U.S. District Judge Royce Lamberth to five months in prison followed by five months of home confinement, based upon Kwak's conviction for gaining unauthorized access to and obtaining information from a Department of Education computer system, the Department of Justice announced.

The sentence results from his March 2006 guilty plea to one count of intentionally gaining unauthorized access to a government computer and thereby obtaining information. In his plea, Kwak, who had been working in an office responsible for ensuring the security of Department of Education computer systems, admitted that he had placed software on a supervisor's computer which enabled him to access the computer's storage at will. He later used that access on numerous occasions to view his supervisor's intra-office and Internet email as well as his other Internet activity and communications; Kwak then shared this information with others in his office.

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Major Vulnerability Found in Symantec Norton Antivirus

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Yesterday, it was publicly disclosed that users running versions of Symantec Norton Antivirus have a serious remote-code-execution vulnerability condition. No user intervention is even required. Peoples' PCs can be taken over without any action on their part. Good one Symantec! Reason #78,454,320 to not use Norton's Antivirus.

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Government Using Illegal Phone Records To ID Media Leaks

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Sources are telling major news networks that the government is now going over phone records of reporters in an effort to identify who within the administration is leaking details of the NSA's illegal record search system to reporters.

A senior federal law enforcement official tells ABC News the government is tracking the phone numbers Brian Ross and Richard Esposito call in an effort to root out confidential sources.

"It's time for you to get some new cell phones, quick," the source told us in an in-person conversation.

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All Other Problems Solved; Congress Tackles The National Anthem

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Since we're doing so well economically and militarily, the United States Senate has decided to spend its time and resources addressing the next, very critical issue facing the American people: Whether the National Anthem should exclusively be sung in English.

These guys apparently didn't notice that the national motto, "E Plurbus Unum" is in Latin.

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Right Wing Journalist Becomes Healthcare Victim

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Catherine Seipp, who has been an extremist writer for the conservative publication National Review Online, has, in the wake of her own health care nightmare, decided to rant about her troubles now that she's been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer and her insurer Blue Cross is giving her trouble.

Ms. Seipp's sordid history is not without overwhelming irony now in the face of her debacle (in 1997 she unsympathetically wrote of anyone who was offended by her writing to "Get over it!"), which seems to only be coming to light because she was unlucky enough to have the blue ice fall in her back yard.

It's really tough to have sympathy for someone who has been specifically responsible for promoting policy for decades that that has led to the problem she is now facing.

As sad as Ms. Siepp's condition may be, the saddest part of all is that if her life wasn't at stake, she probably wouldn't be speaking out against the current healthcare system. To add further irony she was worried that upon being diagnosed with cancer, she would "become nice." Well, don't worry Cathy. When you die, I'm sure there will be someone nearby to pick up the torch (and pitchfork).

READ MORE | 4 comments since 2006-04-27 16:38:32 | Comment on this Article

Campaign Photo Replaces New Orleans with Disneyland

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New Orleans mayoral candidate Kimberly Williamson Butler is not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed--or the most honest. Her campaign website featured a lovely header with a photo of Butler smiling in front of a charming French Quarter scene. The only problem was the large Disney trash can on the street, revealing that Butler was smiling in front of Disneyland's New Orleans Square, not the real New Orleans.

Once the news of the fake New Orleans photo hit the internet, did Butler run out and get a photo of the real New Orleans for her website? Nah. Instead, her staff just Photoshopped out the garbage can. Hey, who has time in a busy mayoral campaign to take pictures in the real location?

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Government Using Computer Games To Improve Foreign Relations?

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[Entertainment]
Apparently having exhausted every other medium to improve its reputation among the rest of the world, the Unites States State Department is now blowing taxpayer money on projects involving the development of massive online computer games designed to promote improved foreign relations and public diplomacy.

The Public Diplomacy and Virtual Worlds project is a research project examining one aspect of new technology and public diplomacy: the role of video games, specifically Massively Multiplayer Online Games (MMOGs), in public diplomacy.

Have any of these officials actually ever played online multiplayer games? How much diplomacy do you typically see in Halo, Unreal Tournament, Everquest or World of Warcraft? Maybe they should pick some other industry to infiltrate first that might prove more successful, like maybe the Nazi party or Fred Phelps church?

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McAffee Antivirus Goes Amok, Shuts Down Legitimate Apps

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Anti-virus vendor McAfee is scrambling to contain the damage from a faulty definition update that incorrectly flagged hundreds of legitimate software programs as W95/CTX, a low-risk Windows 95 virus that was first detected in 2004.

The erroneous .DAT file (4715) was shipped late on March 10 with definitions for a wide range of new malware threats, but when the update was installed, it quarantined or deleted several widely deployed applications, including Microsoft Excel, Macromedia Flash Player, Adobe Update Manager and the Google Toolbar Installer.

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