Praise The Lord And Pwn Some Noobs!

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As a brand, Christianity is pretty damn boring. Sure some Pharisees got crushed to death, some people got brought back to life after death in a non-zombie kinda way, and there are the occasional temple prostitutes--but it's just not as sexy as, say, light beer. How are churches, known throughout the land as the gathering places of squares, going to attract that tough teenage boy demographic? No, not porn. Not yet, anyway

It's ultra-violent video games! Halo 3, the Microsoft product on track to be the greatest-selling video game of all time, cannot be purchased by anyone under 17 due to its M for Mature rating. No worries, the younger folk can just go down to their eerily friendly neighborhood evangelical church and belly up to their large-screen TV to shoot the hell out of their fellow parishioners--I mean, homies. What would Jesus do? I'll tell you what He'd do--He'd teach some punk-asses to lock and load, biatch. Hundreds of ministers and pastors across the country have turned from the Gospel to the Xbox in order to re-stock their flocks with young men. Says one excited youngster, "It's just fun blowing people up." Hallelujah!

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Posted by Ha! on 2007-10-10 07:11:34
Onward Christian soldiers.

Hey, gotta get 'em while they're young. That's how the tobacco companies do it.

And the fast food industry.

And the junk food companies.

And drug dealers.

Looks like the evangelicals are in good company.
 

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