Irish Bishops: The Party's Over

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The Irish Catholic Bishops Conference (motto: "Ain't No Party Like An Irish Catholic Bishops' Party") has some pretty wacky ideas. No I'm not talking about masturbation as a mortal sin. Nor am I talking about the concept of transubstantiation. I'm not even talking about the idea that a man believed his fiancee when she told him she was pregnant NOT with his baby NOR with another villager's baby but in fact with the child of a loving (and horny) God. This is much wackier.

The aforementioned Conference is urging Irish folk everywhere (particularly those in Ireland) to cut back on the boozing. They declare the desire to increase moderation and decrease alcohol consumption by a third during the Catholic season of Lent in a pastoral letter entitled “Alcohol: The Challenge of Moderation". The letter was released to the public by a statue of Father Theobold Matthew, who founded the Temperance Movement in Ireland (national lifetime membership: 12) and died 150 years ago (don't you know he SPINS in his grave every time some Boston co-ed throws back some green shooter at PJ McNasties on St. Patrick's Day). As Ireland's prosperity has grown, so too has her peoples' alcohol intake- up 40 percent in the last 10 years (and that is saying something, people). The bishops are asking not only to reduce drinking by a third during Lent (which, if you are following along with your calculator at home doesn't even keep up with the increase over the last ten years), but to encourage those with a problem to seek out help from counselors- SOBER counselors.

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